“A Year in the Life” by author Tracy James Jones

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#WPLongform

Hello to all of my reading friends and colleagues.  I know I have been M.I.A. on here for a good while now, but trust me, I have good reason.  But before I get into all of that I would like to share with you this quote I found a link to early this week.

 “Becoming a writer is not a ‘career decision’ like becoming a doctor or a policeman. You don’t choose it so much as get chosen, and once you accept the fact that you’re not fit for anything else, you have to be prepared to walk a long, hard road for the rest of your days.” ~ Paul Auster

Thank you, Mr. Auster, I couldn’t have said it better.  The only thing I would add to it is that if you are a reader/book reviewer, and guest judge for novel award events, that hard road is gonna have some lovely bumps in it along the way as well. With those words in mind I have to share with you a long list of projects that I somehow managed to juggle over this past year.

For starters, this year has been crazy busy with me reading novels and stories for at least three Novel Award events.

1. Reading for the RONE’ (Romance Novel Awards – event held in Vegas but I missed it because I went to the coast – Biloxi, Miss. – with my family). Check out my cool badge in the sidebar. I love it! http://www.indtale.com/2014-rone-awards

2. The Rainbow Novel Awards (LGBT Event). One last book to read for this one and am I done! http://www.elisarolle.com/index.html

3. And I’m still not sure how I got the job, since December 2013, I’ve read over 80 submissions for the AARP/Huff-Post 50 memoir contest. One of my favorites actually ended up as a top 10 finalist. (Yay!) The winner gets a big cash prize and will be published by Simon & Shuster. How cool is that?  http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/11/25/memoir-contest_n_4323330.html

By that, you should know I have not had time for much of anything else.  I won’t have the heart to read anything else for a good while.  Mental overload is the best way to describe what is going on in my crazy head.  I’m suffering from too much information as it is, but I have loved every minute of it! (Smile)

 *  *  *

 Upcoming Event(s):

It has been a while, but I am very happy to report that I am about to take part in a fantastic blog/radio interview.  This one is hosted by J`son M. Lee, a man who wears many hats in the entertainment business, including owner of Sweet Georgia Press, a media, news, and publishing company based in Baltimore, Maryland.  http://www.sweetgeorgiapress.com/ I am beyond words in thanks for the opportunity to be interviewed by J`son for his live broadcast on September 24th.  Please check out the post and if you would like, please tune in to the show.  I am beside myself with excitement over this event and hope I don’t embarrass myself from being so thrilled!

 *  *  *

 For those who are not familiar, I was one of the indie authors featured in last year’s IndieVengeance Mass Book Signing Event in Dallas.  That was an extremely wonderful opportunity for me and getting the chance to hang out with so many authors that I had only met online was beyond amazing.  We had authors from coast to coast USA, plus 1 from Canada, and 3 all the way from Australia!  If you missed it, you can read all about it here:    https://tracyjamesjones.wordpress.com/2013/10/11/indie-vengeance-day-weekend-begins/  or search my blog for ‘Indie-Vengeance’ and all the pages will come up.

So now, again in October 2014, the IndieVegeance Day Event is on again.  Though we may not have all of the authors in appearance from last year’s event, we do have a big mixture of returning authors and one young lady, who came out to see us and is now a published author herself, will be included in the mix.  A few new authors will be joining us as well, including a children’s author from Spain!  How about that?  Check out the promotional photo below.  If possible, we would love to see you there!

October 25^th, 2014, I will have a solo book signing in Denton.  I am also working on at least three other events in the Dallas area, so please stay tuned for more details.  Should I have one close to home, I will certainly be sure to pass that information here, twitter, and my Facebook author page.

 *  *  *

 My final news has nothing to do with writing or reading at all, but it is a feature event that will showcase me and my book “Secrets & Lies.”  The occasion is a gallery photo exhibit this November in Syracuse, New York.  Before I jump all out of my skin over it again, let me share the story of how this came about…

It was sometime this summer that I met an up-and-coming New York Photographer online.  At the time, he had a fundraiser going for him to be able to travel across the United States taking photos of transgender and gender non-confirming individuals for a gallery event and possible table book.  The point of the project was to showcase these types of people and what they have to offer the world outside of their sexualities.  On his website he had a form for people who would be interested in being in his project to fill out with their personal stories. Well, being that I was on break from reading at the moment, I filled out the form.  Next thing I knew I was on his list because he said he loved my story.  (Wow!)  So, he left New York – Syracuse – August 18^th and traveled the northern states all the way across to L.A.  On his way back, he traveled the southern states, but when he found he could not make it through Texas because he wanted to spent time with his family in Oklahoma before heading on to Little Rock, Arkansas, he asked me to meet him in Oklahoma City to take my picture.  How cool was that?  (It was a great weekend for pictures and I had a blast). Now that his travels are finally over, he has posted that he will be showcasing those he had photographed in a gallery event in November, and I will be featured in this event!

The event is called The Transcending Gender Project and if you would like to know more about it or would even like to be a part of it, please following this link:  http://www.transcendinggender.org/   Sorry to say that I will not be able to attend the event in person, at least not this one, but I will share one of the photos and the information about the gallery event.

Where: ArtRage Gallery

http://artragegallery.org/

505 Hawley Ave.

Syracuse, New York 13201

When: November 8^th & 9^th, 2014

P.S. – If you are in the Syracuse area, please stop by the event and be sure to tell the Photographer, Rhys Harper, that you got the information from me.  He will love that!

 *  *  *

 Whew! That was a lot of information, huh?  Yeah, I know.  And the year isn’t even over yet.  I have no idea about any other events, but I promise you all that I will keep you informed as best as I can.  Thank you so much for staying with me throughout this post. You guys are the best.   Big hugs & much love ~ Tracy J.

The Transcending Gender Project

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#WPLongform, Fundraiser Project, Promotion

The Transcending Gender Project

 http://www.transcendinggender.org/

 DESCRIPTION:

 The Transcending Gender Project began as an idea for an exhibit at ArtRage Gallery, which will be shown this coming November through January 2015, although it is a project I have been conceptualizing for several years now. Select images from the Transcending Gender Project will be shown as part of the exhibit “Transcending Gender: Remembering and Celebrating Trans Lives” in Syracuse, NY, but the project is ongoing and I have plans to publish a book of these photographs.

 ARTIST STATEMENT:

 I’ve been conceptualizing this project for several years, and am excited to see this series coming to life. It is a series of black and white environmental portraits  trans-identified and gender nonconforming humans that celebrate who they are as people. The media and society in general is starting to discuss trans issues more, and there is more awareness, but so often, the focus of discussion is about bodies and what is underneath our clothes, instead of who we are and what we have to offer the world.

This series celebrates our lives. We are doctors, students, parents, bankers, brokers, musicians, photographers, children, and teachers. We are free spirits, creative souls, world travelers, cat rescuers, and performers. We are lovers, fighters, hopers, dreamers, movers, and shakers. These photographs intend to capture us in ways that celebrate who we are.

 MISSION:

 The intended audience for these photographs is not the transgender community. It is for everyone (including the trans community), but it is especially for those who are unfamiliar with trans issues. Who believe they have never knowingly met a trans person. Who live in areas where ignorance of who we are and what we often face is prevalent. Where there is a huge opportunity for increased understanding.

The transgender community understands what it means to be transgender. These photographs are for us, too, but at the core, this project is about visibility. This project is to give visibility to trans individuals, and gender non-conforming individuals, and to show that world that we, too, exist, and what we have to offer the world transcends the boundaries of gender.

 Want to be photographed? Email us: transcendinggenderproject@gmail.com

 Want to donate to the project?  Click here:  https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/the-transcending-gender-project

“The Crush” by Tracy James Jones

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#Educational, #WPLongform, Romance

“The Crush” (Short-Short Romance) is a little circular piece that was initially written to post as a fun feature for my blog. It is an unexpected blessing that this story continues to be a top read since its initial post in September 2011.  For those who didn’t know, in May 2013, “The Crush,” was featured on the Huffington Post and in June 2013, it was requested by the International Baccalaureate Organization to use in their world-wide, middle years, education program for language & literature, teacher support material. (A contract with French & Spanish translations pending). I cannot thank you enough, my friends, for all the shares, tweets, comments, guest posts, and other accomplishments this story continues to receive.  This is all because of you, so thank you, thank you, thank you.  And please, keep sharing!  Happy Valentine’s Day!

“The Crush” –  https://tracyjamesjones.wordpress.com/2011/09/18/the-crush-short-story/

Free download on Smashwords: http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/275214

 Huffington Post: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/tracy-james-jones/

Milestone: “The Crush” Goes International

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#WPLongform, Education, IBO

Happy to report that through my blog and Smashwords.com, my little story -“The Crush”- has been read and/or downloaded over 1500 times! The fact that this story will also be used for language and literature teacher support material with the International Baccalaureate Organization (world-wide education foundation) leaves me beyond words of gratitude. Thank you everyone for the support and please keep sharing!

This story is also available on The Huffington Post & Flash Fiction World (UK)

Announcing: The Dallas “Indie Vengeance Day” Book Signing Event!

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#WPLongform, Book Signing Event, Dallas, Half Price Books, International Authors, Texas

Hello, my friends.  I have an exciting announcement to make.  Thanks to the beautiful and talented Amber Jerome~Norrgard, Moderator extraordinaire for an amazing online group of authors world-wide, we are having our first international author convention and major book signing event in Dallas, Texas.  With just a handful of Texas authors, several from coast to coast USA, 1 from Canada, and 3 all the way from Australia, the first and last part of our convention will be all about spending time with each other.  I mean, you know, this is our first chance to meet one another, face to face, so yeah, there will be a lot of hanging out, local tours, dinners, parties, and even a live podcast at Cafe’ Brazil @ 3847 Cedar Springs Road – Dallas, TX 75219.  The icing on the cake will be on Saturday, October 12, 2013, for a mass book signing event, from 1pm to 5pm, at Half Price Books: 5803 East Northwest Highway, Dallas, TX 75231.  http://www.indievengeanceday.eventbrite.com/

In order to start this promotion off and running, I will be featuring all of the authors, their books, and links on a daily basis right up to the day of the event.  There may be something extra to mention at some point, so I will be sure to add that information as it becomes available. I already have a giveaway listed on my blog, but please keep an eye open for other exciting event news, promotions, and just plain fun stuff in the days to come.

With that said, I will now direct you to the promotional flyer below that was designed by Scott Morgan over at www.Write-Hook.com.  Scott is an author, speaker, and is also a featured participant in the Dallas Indie Vengeance Day Book signing event. (Please share if you like). Below the poster you will find a group photo just to familiarize yourself with a few names and faces of some the best-selling, award-winning, and soon to be known authors this group has to offer.  From romance to erotica, high fantasy, poetry, and many genres in between, we are going to have it all.  So if you are in Dallas on October 12, 2013 and have the chance, please come out to Half Price Books and see us.  We would all love to meet you in person too. Thank you for stopping by. Big hugs & much love. ~ Tracy J.

Featured Authors:

Note: Because we will be such a large group of authors, the number of books allowed is limited so if you would like to get your copy there, please come early because we have no idea how long they will last. Thank you all again.  

“Secrets & Lies” Novel Giveaway!

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#WPLongform, Film Project, Novel Giveaway, Promotion

Secrets & Lies”

(Multicultural, multi-sexual, romantic, drama)

 Warning: Adult language, mild sexual situations.

“Sometimes a need for keeping secrets…

Can be just as intriguing as a reason for telling lies…”

“Secrets & Lies” is a provocative, uncensored, character-driven, emotional journey into the private lives of four central characters and their desperate struggles to survive in the shadows of life altering secrets and lies.  At the heart of the story is a beautiful, different kind of woman, who questions her personal worth as she fights to keep the life and love she has always wanted. Even the elements of true confessions get lost in translation as the details of who these people really are brings them together in a surprising, yet necessary finale that will change their lives forever…

 ————–

 As the title suggests, I am finally prepared to post a giveaway event for my extremely controversial novel “Secrets & Lies.”  Why is this book considered controversial?  Well, it has a lot to do with the underlying social issues that come into play throughout the book.  As the author, I can honestly say that writing a novel that offers an extended view into the lives of different types of people, races, familiar and alternative relationships, and dare-to-speak-of truths, would be something very important to share.  Controversial to some it may be, but its enlightening and entertaining as well because it is about real life, real love, and loads of real drama in regards to just begin human.

Personally, I can easily see this book landing on a “banned book” list simply because it shows a true side of what people generally don’t want to accept or understand in concern to other human beings who are basically just like everyone else, but different.  The difference being that they love someone of a different race, or sexual orientation, or even speak openly about debatable issues that are usually kept behind closed doors.  For that reason, this book had to be written.   To the best of my ability, I wrote it not only for myself and to get it out of my head, but also for the number of readers who can relate to the subject matter, those who want to learn something about it, or someone who just needs a heavy dose of realistic, true-to-life, human drama that goes beyond what is considered the norm.  In my own opinion, as well as most reviews from my readers, “Secrets & Lies” is a thought-provoking read and that is exactly what it was meant to be.

 ————–

 Earlier this year, “Secrets & Lies” was nominated for the 2013 eFestival of Words Best of the Independent eBook Awards in the “Best Chick Lit/Women’s Literature” category.  Though it did not make the finals, I was very grateful for the nomination by my peers.  At the time of this post, my 300^th if my calculations are correct, the novel is under publisher review and is being formatted in a synopsis/outline as a screenplay project submission.

GIVEAWAY: If you are interested in a chance to win a free ebook or PDF copy of “Secrets & Lies,” with an added first chapter read from “Secrets & Lies 2,” please be sure to follow the Rafflecopter link, which will run from now until Sunday – October 13, 2013.  A link to this post will be shared at the top/left side of this page until the end of the event.  Books are available were all ebooks are sold.  Paperback book on amazon.

 a Rafflecopter giveaway

In closing, thanks so much for stopping by the page.  Big hugs, much love, and best wishes to you all. ~ Tracy J.

Writing: A Blast From My Past – 10 Years and Counting…

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#WPLongform

Ten years ago it was 2003.  I could not tell you one single thing that was going on around me, outside of writing and breathing, unless I dusted off some of my old diaries or did a little background research, neither of which I planned to do for this post.  This post, for no other reason, is to share a piece of my writing life history because that year was the publication of my very first novel.  Though it was intended to be a three book series, it would be 8 long years before I tried writing a novel again.

The book was called “Searching For Eden – The Story of Stacy Christian.”  It wasn’t my first attempt at creative writing, but it was the one that managed to get published at a time when self-publishing was considered the absolute worst thing any writer could do.  I said “so what” because I wanted to write and whether it was well received or not, it meant a lot to me to see that book in print.  I was young and hard-headed too and being told “no” was not an option I would easily accept.  I may have had some second thoughts about some of it later, especially the editing, but I never regretted it.  I loved that book because the story idea was mine and mine alone and it was then as it is now a writing dream come true.  Because of that very book I am a happy indie author today.  But as I saying…

“Searching For Eden” was initially based on an amazing young guy I met with a group of college friends on a spring break trip to Las Vegas.  With a little creative flair I changed the central location to Texas, added a life or death situation for the title character, and wrapped the whole story up with a little bit of sex, new friendships, and a whole lot of drama.  The original title was “For The Love of Stacy Christian,” and not to give anything away, I changed the title because it was a bit too personal for all the characters involved, especially me.  After the book was published, I managed to make a great connection with Hastings Entertainment, based here in Texas, and set out on my first book signing tour.  The tour, which took me all over Texas, Arizona, and even Nevada, was more than a dream come true for a self-published author.  I had the best time of my life.  What made it even better was meeting so many wonderful people and making new friends.  The icing on the cake is what I am going to share with you hereafter.

Okay…  What first-time author would not get a kick out of seeing their name on a marquee sign?  To be honest, I didn’t even see it, let alone expect it.  I was nervous enough.  My aunt who was with me saw it first and took a photo of it for me.  (LOL)  Can I say I giggled all the way home?

Also, while I was still in Texas, I had a signing event at Hastings in Denton and spent the weekend with one of my college friends who was by then a Teacher’s Assistant at the University of North Texas.  Through him I got the opportunity to attend my very first frat party with art shows the first night and live bands the next.  Can I say I had a blast! (Giggles) It was at one of those parties that I was introduced around as I handed out bookmarks and flyers for my book signing that I met a beautiful young man who would eventually send me my very first fan letter.  He was the most handsome guy ever, (I write with a girlish grin on my face), and from the moment we met I would never forget that he was just as much a beautiful person inside as he was on the outside. (And super smart too!) Is it weird to say that we held hands like we were old friends from the moment we met until the time he left? (Sigh). Anyway, going on with my tour, when I finally made it home, I found he had sent me an email that would steal my heart forever.

Ah yes, I always want to giggle every time I read that. His calling me a “multi-faceted beauty” got me.  At the time of this email the internet was still fairly new, but I still keep a printed copy of it along with all the memorabilia from my tour.  In case you are wondering, no, I have no idea whatever happened to this guy and I have never tried to find him either.  What matters is the life long impression he left on me and for that I will always treasure that amazing moment in time.

For now, I guess that is about it for my blast from the past.  After that tour was over, keep in mind it was a road trip, I had planned on going out again.  Hastings was already prepared for me to make another tri-state run, but to my dismay a family crisis came up, then real life got in the way, and then an unexpected issue with my heart.  It took me a while to recover from that, but everything worked out fine.  Eight years later I was finally writing again.  To date, I have several published novels, short stories and my blog.  Ten years later I have somewhat quietly gained a little bit of success from everything I learned from the beginning.  Ten years from now?  I can only imagine.

About the book: For now, “Searching For Eden” is not available in ebook form, but the print book is still floating around until that old contract runs out.  Once everything dies down later this year after the conventions and such, I will work on getting it redesigned for ebook and someday in print through amazon.  If you are curious about the book now, here is a bit of information about it.  At the present the book would be classified as New Adult – Adventure Drama.

                      “Searching For Eden”

  -The Story of Stacy Christian –

 2003

    Stacy Christian ran away from his family and home in Anaheim, California when he was seventeen years old, and never dared to be seen there again.  He didn’t run just because he wanted to, but because he had to, or he would have been dead by the light of the next day.  .  When he was finally far away enough to catch his breath, he found himself in Las Vegas, Nevada.

Though he was out of place in the extravagant city of money and power, Stacy managed to survive the mean streets with a promise of living the good life, thanks to his chance meeting with a rich and beautiful socialite, Bethany Foster-Thompson.  She would introduce him to a life he never dreamed.

*   *   *

  By the time he was twenty-one, Stacy had been transformed from a street-wise kid into a well groomed, well-spoken young man, despite the lustful deeds he had performed to get there.  Whether he was happy or not had everything to do with his desire for Bethany, against his distaste for her dashing, but devilish younger husband, Devin.  Financially, Stacy was living the life he had always dreamed, but emotionally he was still far from escaping the nightmares of his life’s past.

It was just after a hard night at work that Stacy received his first deadly reminder of his past in the form of a warning.  His second clue came while on vacation with the Thompson’s at South Padre` Island, Texas, in which the couple were brutally attacked, leaving one with a bloody lump, and the other near dead.  For the sake of his own life and future, Stacy flees the scene only to find refuge in the protective arms of five Texas strangers.

In a short time, Stacy disregards his troubles and becomes more involved in the lives of his new Texas friends.  He soon finds himself caring for them more than he ever thought he could, but before long, they are suddenly involved in the horrid events he had been trying to avoid.  In the end, it is for the lives of his friends that Stacy comes face to face with his enemy, past and present, before someone else ends up paying for the mistakes he had been trying to forget.  For the life he hopes to escape, and the future he seeks to find, this is where his journey begins, “Searching For Eden…”

An Unexpected Honor

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#WPLongform

Hi my friends.  I have spent the last several days working on a long overdue post because I have been sitting on some great news for a while now.  The original post was a long-winded but heartfelt tale about my struggles at being an Indie Author, my adoration for other Indie/Traditional Authors, friends and fans, my blog, and all the amazing things that have happened for me and my writing this year.  After getting stuck somewhere in what I was saying, I decided to just to tell the news and let it go.  I will say thank you all so much because without you (the internet and social media) I would not have been able to make it this far.  Just needed to say that I appreciate you so very much.

And now the news:

• In February I received a letter from NOW Magazine -(http://nowmagazines.com/)  offering me a featured spot in their Fall issue.  I recently completed the interview portion of the article and the photo shoot is scheduled for mid-July.  Considering how things can easily change with print media, I cannot be certain as to when the issue will be released other than November.  I promise to keep you updated as the information comes in.  This is a first for me and I have to say that I am jumping up and down in my skin.

• Thanks to InD’Tale Magazine (http://www.indtale.com/, I was chosen to be a Guest Judge for the 2012 RONE` (Romance Novel) Awards.  The awards ceremony and convention event will be held in August at the Golden Nugget Hotel & Casino in downtown Las Vegas. http://romancenovelconvention.com/ Guest Judges will be announced at the ceremony event and I am doing my best to be there in person for this wonderful opportunity.

• My novel – “Secrets & Lies” – http://amzn.com/B005G5L36O  – was nominated for an indie ebook award in the Best Chick Lit/Women’s Literature category.  We didn’t make it as a finalist, but the nomination was a first and I am very proud of the book for making it that far.  From a forgotten submission, the full manuscript was recently requested by a small press publisher.

• And finally, I have great news about my short story “The Crush.” For those who don’t know, “The Crush” is a little romantic circular tale about innocent admiration that was initially featured on my blog in September 2011. To date, it is the mostly viewed post on my blog.  In 2013, I decided to release the story for free in ebook form on smashwords and this past May the story became a feature on the Huffington Post.

Blog: https://tracyjamesjones.wordpress.com/2011/09/18/the-crush-short-story/

Huffington Post: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/tracy-james-jones/

Smashwords: http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/275214

At the end of May, first of June 2013, I received an email request from The International Baccalaureate Organization http://www.ibo.org/ asking for permission to add “The Crush,” to their Middle Years Education Program language and literature teacher support material.  From the letter I received, the story was read and previously used by one of their affiliated teachers as an example of good practice for her class, bringing it to the attention of her IBO Team Leader, who deemed the story worthy of use in their world-wide education program. (Please follow the link to find out more about them).  Anyway, I am happy to report that sometime in the new school year “The Crush” will be available to classrooms around the world for at least the next 7 years and will be translated into French and Spanish as well. This, is one of the greatest honors I never expected and I can honestly say that no matter whatever else comes from my writing, I will forever treasure this moment for as long as I live.

And there it is.  The long list of things that has kept me on an invisible seesaw for the past several months.  Thing is, some of this stuff has yet to happen, and oh, I just realized that I have one more thing to add.

• In October of this year, I will be a participating author in my first Indie Author Convention in Dallas, Texas which will include several bestselling indie authors of various genres from coast to coast, with some coming in from as far away as Australia.  The itinerary for this convention is still in progress, but I do know that there will be a mass book signing event at Half Price Books in North Dallas, and hopefully a lot of media coverage for us all.  In the coming months I will be sure to update information for this event and for all of you in the local area, we would love for you to come out and join us.

Okay.  I think I am all caught up.  As always, I want to thank you all again so much for being there in support of me. I know I have been slacking on my blog but at least I have let everyone know exactly why.  Before too long I will be back at my work desk happily posting all the latest news, releases, and other events in regards to all of my talented independent friends in the business of entertainment writing.  Until then, big hugs and much love to you always. ~ Tracy J.

“The Crush” – Short Story

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#WPLongform, romantic, short-story

“The Crush”
(September 17, 2011) New edits: September 18,2013

He touched me…  Not in any way lascivious.  Just a simple soft brush across and down my shoulder in acknowledgement that he had seen me.  No words were spoken.  Just the touch.  I loved him for that. I always had…

I remember the first time I lay eyes on him.  Third grade.  It’s funny when you grow up in a small town that you end up knowing certain people your whole life.   Can’t say I really knew him, but I knew of him.  I fell into him on the playground and that was all it took.  Didn’t know then what that feeling was or meant, but I knew on sight that there was something special about him.  My innocent admiration of him was immediate.  I suppose he didn’t know what that feeling was at the time either, but he saw me, too.  He simply smiled.  Years later that moment would come back to haunt me.  Back then, I didn’t know that I had just stumbled into my very first crush.  Silly me.  If my eyes were truly the windows to my soul, I should have had the sense to temper the blinds.

By sixth grade a lot had changed.  Especially within me.  But I wasn’t the only one.  Raging hormones between all the sexes were forcing its way to the surface way beyond leaps and bounds.  By then we all knew what that look meant and it was hardly fully innocent. I had blossomed out before my own eyes, and when I saw him, well, that thing from the past was like a burning flame racing throughout my entire being.  Call it heat, or passion, or just aching preteen desire to be close to someone who had stolen my childhood heart.  It had nothing to do with sex, not really, but something more unnamable.  Three years later and just looking at him pulled me back through time.  I longed for him.  Maybe somewhat physically, but mostly, I just wanted to be near him.  Still, he never said a word.  But he did smile at me sometimes.  Just a friendly gesture really.  He always did that in the passing years. With everything else going on in our young lives, I felt that was more than enough to hold on to.  The fact that we had never held a conversation was a minor missing end to the overall means.

And then there was high school. Just the mention of that place can be summed up as pure hell.  The world of love, sex, lies, and heartbreak had at one point or another affected nearly all.  To me, in this final introduction to adulthood, it hardly made sense to chance your deepest emotions to anyone.  But that is exactly what I did.    I loved and lost as anyone else. Almost too much it seemed. I suffered my despair in the shadows.  He was so popular I figured he didn’t have time to notice.  The kindness in him was a gift to everyone and he was genuinely liked by everyone who knew him.   I simply adored him.  Just before we took our final walk into freedom, I heard in a whispered conversation that he said he knew me. Not that we were ever what you would actually call friends.  I was just that kid from third grade who fell on top of him on the playground and never said a word to him.  It was embarrassing to know that he remembered that too. I didn’t know he even remembered my name.

Class Reunion – twenty years later.  Standing in a crowded room with a bunch of people and faces I could barely recognize.  But still, old emotions came rushing back upon me as if my past was flashing before my eyes.  And then, across the room, I saw him.  Time had been very good to him. When he smiled, I saw that he noticed me too, so I turned and headed in the opposite way.   I was cornered by another childhood friend when he moved to touch me. Just a simple soft brush across and down my shoulder in acknowledgement that he had seen me. No words were spoken.  Just the touch.  I loved him for that. I always had. I guess I always will…

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Note: In May 2013, “The Crush,” was selected to be featured on the Huffington Post: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/tracy-james-jones/  and in June 2013 it was requested by the International Baccalaureate Organization (http://www.ibo.org/) to use in their worldwide middle-years education program for language and literature teacher support material.