As promised, here is the full story of the one OMG moment I plan to share.  Please excuse the terrible writing but I wanted to share this before I lost my nerve.  As of this posting, I have already received a couple of short OMG Moments that I have to prepare to share as well.  And remember, this is just for fun, so enjoy it.  :o)

“Never Leave Your House on Auto-Pilot”

For all of my friends out there, especially those who need their morning caffeine to jump-start their brains, whatever you do, make sure you never break this habit and leave your house on auto-pilot.  If you do, there is a great chance of having an OMG moment that you will never be able to forget.   I made that mistake once, and when I had my moment, out in public of all things, it was reminiscent of those famous words spoken by Carrie White’s Mom about her going to the Prom. “They’re all gonna laugh at you,” Mrs. White had said, and OMG, I know they did!  I just didn’t realize it until 20 minutes after the damage was already done.  This is how it happened…

My cousin called early one morning and wanted me to ride with him to Walmart to get his oil changed.  I didn’t really want to, but I got up anyway, washed face, brushed teeth, hair in a clip, and threw on the first thing I could find.  What I had put on was a pair of cutie shorts, sandals, and a form-fitting tee.  While I waited for him to come, I went to the kitchen for my usual hot cup of coffee because I always had coffee before I left my house.  After all, I wasn’t really awake so I needed the immediate boost.  To my dismay, I forgot I was out of coffee and it was too late to catch my cousin to bring me some.  I thought I could make it and pick up some while I was out, but really, at that point I didn’t want to go. (I should have listened to my first mind then.) So, when my cousin finally show up and I pitched a mini-hissy fit about not having my morning brew, he said that Walmart’s Auto Shop would have some in the waiting room for their customers.  Against my better judgment, I believed him and went along.

Once we got to Walmart, I was happy to find the coffee pot just as my cousin had said, but it was empty and no one was making a move to make more.  I couldn’t find anything to even do it myself, which I would most definitely have done had I the necessary materials to do so.  Now completely discouraged, I mumbled off a few but deliberate words of unhappiness, under my breath of course, I think, and finally figured I could hold out until I got back home. (I was so wrong.)  At this point, I am sitting in the waiting room with two or three other people and I can’t even remember the ride from my house.  What I did remember was that I was raised to be extra polite in public, and whether I was actually coherent or not, was no excuse to do otherwise.  And then a new guy came in.

This was no ordinary stranger, which I would have known had I been lucid enough to form the truth in my head, but I paid very little attention to him other than making note that he was wearing a coverall.  He was standing at Customer Service – I had no idea what he was doing.  Then after he finished his conversation, he turned around to face the waiting area while I was peeking out the window to the auto shop and wondering where the hell my cousin had disappeared.  Then he started shedding out of the coverall – I mean he unzipped it to the bottom rung.  Okay, I’m looking at him now, so the first thing I notice other than street clothes, was all the bling he was wearing.  This guy had on like three, long, gold, chain necklaces, diamond and gold rings on nearly all of his fingers, and was grinning from ear to ear.  Looking at the other people in the waiting room, I soon realized that I was the only one looking at him and he was putting on a show for me.  “Oh hell no,” is what I thought and turned my attention back to the window looking for my cousin.   Soon enough, the guy gave up his show and left, or so I thought.

Like I said, being polite in public was something I had learned to do without thought.  That kindness eventually spread to this flashy stranger after he basically forced me by principle to address him when he slipped into the waiting room and asked me a kind, simple question.  He needed directions.  I thought nothing of it and offered to help, even though I knew I was barely functioning in that particular moment.  Remember, I still had no coffee yet, so I was not technically responsible for what would happen next.

Being the kind person I truly know myself to be and through constant conversation I allowed this flashy stranger to carefully guide me out of the waiting room, on through the auto shop garage and out into the parking bay where the Walmart crew had just finished unloading his store delivery.  (Wait for it).  Keep in mind that I was wearing a pair of tight cutie-booty shorts and a form-fitting tee.  That morning was a little cool too, so guess what?  I was sporting headlights as well.  Now stay with me.

The little flashes of knowledge starting flicking in the back of my mind when I found myself standing next to a big Rig, with a guy I didn’t even know who was trying to talk me into getting into his truck to look at a MAP to show him where he was going.  Yes, the warning bells were going off in my head like a gong, but I wasn’t really listening.  I was trying, but it was going to take a little more.  So I got in the truck.

Question.  Why would a long-haul Truck Driver, with or without a map, need directions?  Bigger question.  What in the hell took my mind that long to realize that?  I’ll tell you why.  I left my house on auto-pilot because I didn’t have my damn morning coffee!

So, there I sit in this truck with this guy and he basically just kept the game going with his intentions.  The more he talked and I listened, the happier he became.  When he reached to draw me closer to him and said he wasn’t going to bite, ‘Stranger Danger’ warning bells fired off from the tips of my toes and all the way up to the top of my head.  I swear my hair must have stood up in the clip because I actually jumped.  Not sure what else I did in the next few moments, but I suppose he caught on.  All he did in response was smile and offered me his number.   I took it and then stumbled out a few words of how nice it was to meet him and maybe even promised to call him, but all the while I was trying to find a way out of the truck, and still, without being rude.  (Bless my old-fashioned upbringing).  A moment later, my cousin pulled up next to the truck, blew the horn and I bailed.  Jumped out the truck and hopped quickly into my cousin’s car, quietly thanking God I finally woke up.  I thought that was the end of it.  But nope.

Leaving Walmart, I never once looked back as I was too busy mentally and verbally chastising myself for making such an absent-minded move.  My cousin, on the other hand, was killing himself laughing.  I laughed too, cause, you know, it was kind of funny when I thought about it.  What wasn’t funny, was when he told me about how the people in the Customer waiting room, the Service staff, and Garage Crew all looked at me when I left the building in the company of a Truck Driver, and I was dressed like I had a Pimp!  OMG!!!   Oh yeah. You already know what those people were thinking.  (Whore).  My getting inside the truck with him, I don’t think that made it any better.  And so, on that blasted day, Ms. Goody Two Shoes had an OMG moment when she made herself look like a Hooker in public.

Moral of the story; NEVER LEAVE YOUR HOUSE ON AUTO-PILOT!  If you do, someone is gonna laugh at you.  On a lighter side of it, you may end up laughing at yourself once you ever get over the total embarrassment of whatever you may accidentally do.  Learn from my mistake and be sure to pass it on!


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